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Friday, December 09, 2005
the Almighty's will had finally been done.
par passed away on the night of his 28th birthday [07 dec.] i'd like to think he was able to find peace in his last moments of consciousness. i pray his family find strength to go on living and may the rest of us who knew him personally find inspiration in his life.
i've thought of him a lot after we visited him in the hospital because it was hard seeing him bedridden and helpless. it was not the par i knew. i silently asked for hope and faith for everyone since that night.
our relationship might not merit the status of being close friends but i don't think i'd fare well if i visited his wake. he's part of the happy memories i had in u.p. and the memories of him i want to remember are those times at AF that were spent reminiscing our childhoods and all the new wave songs we grew up in (he's the new wave expert!) and the early 90's songs we like but can't remember the titles of.
in memory of parmenio patacsil, play a 'lost and found' cd and turn up the volume.
Posted at 08:49 pm by madkatcher
i miss him. (or just the thought of him, perhaps.)
i miss feeling giddy seeing him. i miss the rush and even the skipping-of-my-heartbeat moments. i miss looking for him, waiting for him. i miss hearing him.
i miss the nearness of him.
i miss the mental torture, the mind games. i miss acting nonchalant. i miss downplaying how i feel when he's around. damn. i've been deprived of these pleasures for years now!
and i realise that i brood about him every time i don't get to sleep well.
Posted at 08:10 pm by madkatcher
Sunday, December 04, 2005
all the accidents that happen
follow the dot
coincidence makes sense
only with you
you don't have to speak
i feel
emotional landscapes
they puzzle me
then the riddle gets solved and you push me up to this:
...state of emergency...
...how beautiful to be!...
...state of emergency...
...is where i want to be...
all that no-one sees
you see
what's inside of me
every nerve that hurts, you heal
deep inside of me
you don't have to speak - i feel
emotional landscapes
they puzzle me
confuse
then the riddle gets solved and you push me up to this:
...state of emergency...
...how beautiful to be!...
...state of emergency...
...is where i want to be...
...state of emergency...
...state of emergency...
[bjork's 'joga']
Posted at 08:05 pm by madkatcher
it's the same banana.. i think...
Crossing that bridge,
With lessons I've learned.
Playing with fire,
And not getting burned.
I may not know what you're going through.
But time is the space,
Between me and you.
seal had a different thing on his mind with that song and i have my own. ha.
i realised how calling him 'jonah' is so obvious though ironic. <dara, swear on your pinky you'll never drop any hints in this place about this jonah business. i hope you were drunk friday night to even remember it.>
i'm the one who's living inside the whale's belly and the one in need of a good lesson on patience and surrender.
Posted at 11:20 am by madkatcher
watashi wa genki desu. okagesamade.
i am fine. thanks.
i woke up at 3 am and remembered that i had actually dreamt of him.
may binuksan akong pinto at paglabas ko sa kalsada, may taxing nakaharang sa dadaanan ako.
bumukas yung likod na pinto ng taxi at saka sya bumaba. sinara nya yung pinto habang nakatingin sya sa akin tapos sumilip sya sa loob ng taxi.
lumapit ako sa kanya. magkatabi kaming naka-tingin sa loob ng taxi. andun pa yung mga paintings nya sa upuan. hindi naman umaalis yung taxi. nag-hihintay lang din.
nilingon ko lang sya at saka bumati, "oi!"
tumingin lang din sya sa akin nang sandali tapos tinuro nya yung kanan nyang pisngi. ngumiti sya tapos lumingon ulit sa mga paintings sa loob ng taxi.
hinalikan ko sya sa pisngi tapos kinuha na namin yung mga gamit nya.
traydor talaga subconsciousness. hehe.
Posted at 10:52 am by madkatcher
Friday, December 02, 2005
someone from the office mused that, most of the time, we are guilty of saying how slow the days pass by when it's the start of the year and when the last quarter of the year comes rolling by, we take a u-turn and then feel very sentimental and take notice that the year is almost over.
i don't have any regrets for this year. i can very well claim, with conviction, that 2005 has been great.
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i went totally loco again at work today. if this day were an exam on patience and grace under pressure, i flunked it big time.
i cried several times, i swore a great deal and even wished to kill someone. at that time, my conscience was taking a deep slumber in the back seat... hehe.
there was even one caller who asked me, "aren't you embarrassed to work for an inefficient organisation such as this?" of course, i am restricted from giving any personal comments about it; in my head i was thinking, "i may be extremely disappointed right now but i am not embarrassed at all." there's no bullshit there. i happen to like the organisation i'm in. period.
after eight long hours of stress-filled calls and piled up pending cases, i realised that i have a long way to go with dealing with my emotions.
what else is new there?
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and after my shift, i treated myself to a tall peppermint mocha frappuccino (i'm 5 stickers away from getting the 2006 planner!), a ham and cheese croissant and a slice of chocolate dome cake at starbucks.
yes, i'm now a patron of starbucks. a newly converted starbucks customer who already shelled out more than 2500 pesos because she can't get enough of their strawberries & cream, toffee nut and peppermint mocha blends. blame it on the strawberries & cream.
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30 minutes from now, i'll be seeing my college friends again. hurrah! it's been a month now since i last saw them. i decided to enjoy myself tonight and hoard the "magic sing". haha!
"i see a silhouett-o of a man! scarmouche, scaramouche. will you do the fandango?"
Posted at 06:13 pm by madkatcher
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
yes, heed mick jones' words
"...Situation no win
Rush for a change of atmosphere
I cover the walls so I give in
Gotta get myself right out of here..."
- "Rush". Big Audio Dynamite
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26.11.2005
ahahahaha. i copied the wrong lyrics off a website! heeheehee.
here's the RIGHT lyrics. (i've been hearing this song in my head for days now...)
If I had my time again,
I would do it all the same,
And not change a single thing,
Even when I was to blame,
For the heartache & the pain,
That I caused throughout my years,
How I'd love to be your man,
Through the laughter & the tears,
Situation no win,
Rush for a change of atmosphere,
I can't go on so I give in,
Gotta get myself right outta here,
Now I'm fully grown,
And I know where it's at,
Somehow I stay thin,
While the other guys got fat,
All the chances that I've blown,
And the times that I've been down,
I didn't get too high,
Kept my feet on the ground,
Situation no win,
Rush for a change of atmosphere,
I can't go on so I give in,
Gotta get myself right outta here,
And of all my friends,
You've been the best to me,
Soon will be the day,
When I would pay you handsomely,
Broken hearts are hard to mend,
I know I've had my share,
But life just carries on,
Even when I'm not there,
Situation no win,
Rush for a change of atmosphere,
I can't go on so I give in,
Gotta get myself right outta here,
Situation no win,
Rush for a change of atmosphere,
I can't go on so I give in,
Gotta get myself right outta here,
Gotta get myself right,
Gotta get myself right,
Gotta get myself right outta here,
Gotta get myself right,
Gotta get myself right,
Gotta get myself right outta here,
Posted at 08:42 pm by madkatcher
... the red room
(trust me, it IS red. not orange.)
Posted at 08:23 pm by madkatcher
it's more of being too lazy, really.
i just find it very tedious to do anything lately, even as simple as waking up is a struggle. ha. but then we all know how HARD it really is to wake up e-a-r-l-y in the morning (i'm back to the 5am shift. shit.) what's worse is that i'm always sleepy all day although i get at least 6 hours of sleep every night.
hnh! i may be turning into a bear.
great. i just made another post that does not contribute anything substantial to help me get out of this boredom i'm experiencing. pfft.
Posted at 08:03 pm by madkatcher
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
 when i run out of words and phrases to string into decent paragraphs, i doodle.
since i now have a scanner/copier/printer at home, i am obligating myself to draw again. it'll give me a reason to do something else here.
and since this blog is all about self-therapy anyway, i'll post some of the itsy-bitsy crap i manage to draw while waiting for a call at work...
ahhh. this is my (imaginary) poster (at work) [i mean the left pic].
hmp. i still think that it doesn't hurt to be extra careful with the people you mingle with.
with the "cold war" going on, i've recently learned that time can sometimes be unreliable when it comes to (supposed) friendships.
tomorrow's my last day of work for this week and i'll be on leave from thursday til next monday. yesss!!! however, it will be my last leave for 2005.
i am hoping to see my friends again for rigel's birthday celebration. so, rigel! HINT! HINT! HINT!
as for Project: Red Room, i've already made the ultimate checklist... so far, the only thing scratched off from the list are some of the essentials my sister and i have managed to buy last weekend: some tools, the paints, the closet and the bookshelf.
ahhhh. i can't wait for the Red Room to be finished.
Posted at 07:26 pm by madkatcher
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